The first time you visit your child at college, you need to be as equally prepared as your daughter or son. Your child is now welcoming you into his or her new life, and you should accept your child’s decisions with open arms.

Living a new, parent-free life, your child may be slightly uncomfortable with you invading his or her space. Be wary of your wandering eyes; try not to make your child feel like you are searching the room for things you would disapprove of. If you see things that you disagree with, like beer posters or party pictures, keep your opinions to yourself, or better yet, open your mind and show your acceptance of your child’s new way of life.

If you walk into your child’s dorm room and find it messy, smelly, mal-arranged, or just all wrong, do not yell at your child or act disappointed; simply offer your parental services to help clean for a half an hour. One of the best parts of parent visiting is waking up the next day with a really clean room. You hate to see your child living in filth and your child hates to clean; add two and two together and you both win.

It’s a good idea to ask to see some of your child’s schoolwork while you’re in the dorm room. Since he or she doesn’t live at home anymore, it’s hard for you to keep up with your child’s schoolwork. If allowed, read his or her freshman English paper and statistics textbook; your child will probably be happy that you want to see how he or she is progressing.

Don’t forget to make reservations for dinner ahead of time. If you and your child are unfamiliar with the good restaurants in the area, call the university and ask for recommendations. Invite your child’s roommate to lunch or dinner so that he or she doesn’t feel left out and lonely for the day. If you are going for a nice family dinner, invite the roommate to lunch for a more casual meeting.

No matter what you do on that first visit, don’t be judgmental. The relationship between you and your child can turn into one of friendship and maturity if you begin to view your child as an independent adult and no longer a kid. Forget yelling or demanding things from your child, and learn to accept, accept, accept.